Listen. Be still. Learn. one year gone another anew.

Listen. Be still. Learn. Looking back spurs to me what lies ahead.

The three words seem to have be a reoccurring theme for me in 2014. So funny how a new year begins and as we look ahead there is so much hope and so much anticipation, yet we can never fathom what turns our journey might take.

As I began the new year in 2014, I had felt God stirring in my heart and speaking to me in ways that I had not experienced before. Not because he wasn’t speaking, but most likely because I wasn’t really listening. A dear friend challenged me in the new year to invite God to reveal to me how he wanted to use me, to be still and reflect on the joy I have experienced when I am using my talents and strengths and leading into his power and then experience a holy depth of energy and life.

I as I have cultivated listening and being still, one of the most frequent things that takes place is a conviction of my spirit.  Revelations that even in my desire to help I can hurt, my pride and desire to be right is oh so wrong, and I have so much work to do to be more “present.” Not consumed with what my agenda or “to do” lists hold, to be listening with my heart to the voices around me – my precious kidos, my love-and perfectly matched partner,   my family, my friends, my co-workers, and those that God continues to brings across my path testing me with opportunities to love and extend his mercy and grace – and as I do so, I see more and more the depth of MY need for his mercy and grace.

So thankful that as we are heading into another year, that I know, his mercies are new every morning.

“ The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies never come to an end;

they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness..” Lamentations 3:22&23

strength in his voice

Today I was on the other side of the room from my Dad as we worshipped together. This doesn’t happen as often as I would like it to…and as I paused and listened to all our voices rising together in worship – I realized what a priceless gift hearing his voice is, as is distinctly stood out and rose above the other voices in the room.

From my earliest memories, the sound of his booming voice accompanies so many of the vivid scenes I recall….

Reading by the fire, night after night and winter after winter, He used his voice to make the words of C.S. Lewis come alive in each chapter and character. From those early days in my childhood he was creating a hunger for more story in my life, to taste of the faith of mystery of Narnia.

So many mornings I awoke to the sounds as he walked up the stairs singing his own versions of the hymns that marked his faith journey. And although I still can’t quite remember the exact words he was trying to sing, I knew they flowed from his love for his Lord and his relationship he leaned on.  

He has always been a teacher. For many years he taught us as we learned at home; History, Math, Latin from his Latin book from the 1960s. He taught his Sunday sermons and small group studies.  I also had many a private one-on-one sermons with him. More than I actually care to recall.

So many times when I heard his encouraging, coaching words of instruction from the sidelines of our sporting events I wondered how his voice seemed to carry more power and oomph than the ones coming through the bullhorns… and I now get to hear him “cheering” from the sidelines of his grandkids games.

As I look back and reflect on the power in his voice in my life and sit in the beauty of hearing it rise along with mine in worship on the other side of this room, I am overwhelmed with thankfulness and joy. I have been given such a gift in his voice.  It echoes deep in my soul, and rises as a sacrifice of praise to the heaven.  And with his voice, just as with his life, I am encouraged, challenged, and inspired to grow deeper in my faith. I find that the presence and reality of his voice in my life has brought peace and strength in more times than I can even begin to realize.

A gift joy this quiet night

This is the craziest season for me at work, as it is for so many of us.  And with our family, we have tried to create space.  Carving out time to reflect, to capture sacred moments, to create memories we all treasure. I long to instill the sense of wonder and anticipation in my kids hearts that Christmas holds for me.

So nightly we stop, and read together. light the advent candles, and tell the story through a special book that helps us build anticipation around the celebration of Christ’s birth.. But sometimes, this intended time of quiet and reflection, is chaotic and wrought with not-so-proud parenting moments… (like when my voice rises… and not in song… )

But tonight I was reminded why we press through the chaos to read the story, again, and again, and again…  

We got to the part in the book where the door opens to reveal the picture of the angels visiting the Shepherds, when Julianna who is still learning to read piped up and said…”I bring you good news of great joy that will be for all people.  Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you; he is Christ the Lord!”

Her joy at this simple statement, is the anchor that has a hold of the deepest part of my heart, for there is no greater joy. No greater news.  As I hear their laughter, and struggle through the chaos of the daily routine, I pray for more of these glimpses of unending joy.

May this joy grab hold of your heart and mine this season and every day the same… for there is no greater name....”He is Christ the Lord!”

You give and take away...

“You give and take away
My heart will choose to say
Lord, blessed be Your name…”

Almost four years ago God gave us two precious additions to our family. Hurt and brokenhearted, we started a journey beside them.  

We were catapulted from toddler training to teenage drama, and trying to parent and love the children God had given us.

We were scared. Apprehensive. We made mistakes, we have learned some huge lessons. But we loved deeply. Bringing them into our family and making memories, our youngers kids are so proud of their older brother and sister.   Family trips, carving pumpkins and cutting down Christmas trees. We brought made them a part of our family traditions and created new ones. We attended track meets, cross-country meets, cheerleading competitions, basketball games, football games, tackled math problems that only Jim could help them solve.  Hours, days, months, years; God has given us grace and mercy beyond what we could even fathom. He has sustained us, drawn us closer to him and to each other. 

¹ Praise the Lord! Yes, give praise, O servants of the Lord.
    Praise the name of the Lord! ² Blessed be the name of the Lord
    now and forever. ³ Everywhere—from east to west—
    praise the name of the Lord.⁴ For the Lord is high above the nations;
    his glory is higher than the heavens.” Psalm 113

I can hope for nothing more than God be glorified.  For now, the road takes an unexpected turn. Loss I didn’t anticipate and couldn’t comprehend. I was done fighting. My heart breaks with the resistance I can no longer fight.  In less than two months we emptied both their rooms and said good-bye.

So thankful for this Truth we have lived in…  “He heals the brokenhearted And binds up their wounds.” Psalm 147:3

Praying that this next season God continues to draw us all closer to him, and maybe even closer still together. 

We said good-bye, but really said, “see you soon.” Christmas break is a few weeks away and we are planning for a weekend visit. With the one I have called my son.

I continue to sing this song learning the depths of it’s truth in a new way today… 

“Blessed Be Your Name
In the land that is plentiful
Where Your streams of abundance flow
Blessed be Your name

Blessed Be Your name
When I'm found in the desert place
Though I walk through the wilderness
Blessed Be Your name

Every blessing You pour out
I'll turn back to praise
When the darkness closes in, Lord
Still I will say…Blessed be the name of the Lord.”

Road Trips

Road trips 

Time for pondering. Miles  and miles and miles of pondering. Sunrises...sunsets. Moments turn into memories. Laughter. Messes. Detours and unexpected joys. Treasure. 

Smells like Narnia

Many of my childhood winter evenings were spent gathered in the family room of our old farmhouse around the wood stove listening as my Dad read C.S. Lewis.  We were transported to the land of Aslan where fawns and little boys become great warriors and  daughters carried magic healing potions and became queens. . In this land I learned  lessons of grace, and mercy, of forgiveness and love that captured my heart.

Then – for many  summers,  we traveled down to Georgia to spend time with family. The best parts of these memories were the adventures we had among the Georgia pines.

Stepping into these forests I always felt like I was stepping into Narnia. Its how I imagined Narnia to smell.  The cool pine air. Its how I imagined it would feel to walk in the Narnian forest, the pine needles crunching underneath my feet and the forest floor sprinkled with pine cones and rhododendron blooms. It was in these forests that the Narnia that first captured my heart grew into a faith that would come to define me. As we frolicked and played, imagined and dreamed in these forests, I encountered God’s beauty, experiencing his revelation and glory through my senses.

            Now these forests seem almost holy to me. Here I hear God’s voice and my heart is quickened as I am drawn into his presence and captured again by lessons of grace, mercy, and love. Only now it is my dependence on him that has taught me these lessons, and I delight in the adventures that unfolds before me.

I still remember when I met precious Felicia, who is now my “niece.”

God opened doors and arms to receive this precious one, bringing Stacia into her life to love and shower her with God’s blessing and tapping into his mercy and unending grace.

Tonight, just about one year after I first met her, we were celebrating birthdays and I saw Felicia looking up to Stacia…beginning to trust and open her heart in ways she might not have imagined possible. I see her beginning to dream, to tap into her passions and be given the freedom to discover the gifts and abilities God has given her.  I saw her tonight, look into her now “Mom’s” face, , and couldn’t help but wonder what was  happening in her heart. I believe, she is discovering a growing hope and love that has taken root and will only continue to grow.  

“Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than we could ever ask or imagine…” Ephesians 3:20